i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish you could order shots online.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
