I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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