i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
