I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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