Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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