well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
