I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
