your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
