so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
