He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
