I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize