Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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