ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
