That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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