id be glad to
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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