Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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