She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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