If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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