My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You dont lie about slip and slides
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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