Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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