yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
