I need to stop coming to work sober
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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