i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
