I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
