You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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