Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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