She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
