Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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