you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
