She is in my trunk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
