I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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