he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need to align my fucking chakras
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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