we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize