Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
