His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
