whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
