Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
