I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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