Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
