Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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