I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
