best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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