i just made my gag reflex go away.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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