i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
