So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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