i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
