If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
