do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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