Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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