God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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