She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
