i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
