I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
