its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
