I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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