I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
