They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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