I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
