He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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