You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
