How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize