that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
