Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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